


Angst at Dawn

by Ayngelcat



Series: Red and Starscream [2]
Category: Transformers Generation One
Genre: Cross-Factional Relationship, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mild Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-13
Updated: 2013-12-13
Packaged: 2018-01-04 12:55:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1081264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ayngelcat/pseuds/Ayngelcat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for tf_speedwriting Advent Calendar 2013, prompt - "Staying up to watch the sun rise."</p><p>This takes laces not long after the 'Autobeserk' episode and proceeds on the premise that 'things went on' in the warehouse that night.</p><p>*warnings* for fluff and angst, and mild smut.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Angst at Dawn

“You go on ahead,” I say to Inferno. “I’ll follow. I feel like some alone time.”  
  
I do. And for whatever reasons I may have joined the Autobots tonight, I do also like to watch the sunrise. There’s always promise in a new day - epscecially when you can't recharge at night.   
  
Yes - I’ve always loved the pre-dawn on most worlds, the way the light creeps slowly across the sky, a glow forming in whatever direction from which the starsun or suns come up. But Inferno eyes me disbelievingly. “Red, I don’t think…”  
  
“I’ll be all right!” I snap. “Stop treating me like I was that time with the Negavator. That’s all over now, and I’m fine!”  
  
“All right, all right – it’s just it was…”  
  
“Recent, I know!”  
  
I turn to him. I feel bad, as usual, because Inferno is amazing and on one level I love him very much, and I know he would have liked to stay here with me. “I’ll be fine,” I say. “I’ve just got – some checking to do. There’s a monitor here…” (there is) “and I think it might be faulty,” (it could be).  
  
He sighs. “Ok Red. But call me if you have any – issues? Got it?”  
  
“I will,” I promise.  
  
I watch his back as he walks away, knowing I should be at his side. Issues! Oh I’ve got those all right, in plenty. Sure enough, before he’s even hardly out of sight there’s the sound of an engine. A flurry of wings, and my biggest issue descends out of the sky.  
  
He lands with a thud in root mode. I look anxiously after the Autobots, half expecting Inferno to come running back, yelling expletives and firing on the way. But he’s gone. They’re all gone.  
  
“Good morning Red Alert,” Starscream says in that silky voice that can turn my circuits to molten scrap. “I thought you were never going to get rid of him.”  
  
I can’t look at him. “What are you doing here, Starscream?” I snap. “Where were you?”  
  
“Up there on the cliff, watching, waiting till you were free. I stayed up. I thought we could watch the sun rise - together.”  
  
I scowl. I should say “NO!” in the hugest way possible and march off after Inferno. But I don’t, I won’t, and he knows it.  
  
He’s behind me, his hands on my shoulders, his lips brushing my helm. I tingle all over, affected by everything about him; his power, his beauty, so ruthless he is and yet he can be so gentle. That, I remember too well.  
  
“I can’t stop thinking about you Red,” he says. “And I know you love the sunrise. I brought some of your favourite grade…”  
  
Damn him. He knows how I feel about drinking first thing in the morning! But he also knows I’ll go with him, knows I’ll sit in the dawn light with his arms around me.  
  
“All right,” I say sulkily. “But I’m not size shifting. You carry me in root mode or I don’t go at all!”  
  
Damn _it_. I want to feel his arms round me.  
  
……….  
  
He sets me down gently. The sunrise is magnificent, and as usual he’s picked an awesome spot, high up somewhere. The cloud streaked sky turns from murky orange to a fiery red in the east as the sun slowly makes its way over the rocky hills that stretch into the distance, a veiled half- orb peeping over the crests in the gathering light.  
  
It’s beautiful. The air is fresh and filled with early morning sounds, and the high grade is exquisite. Primus alone knows where he got it. And he doesn’t hassle me, or do anything wrong – but I can’t relax and I won’t sit down.  
  
No – I just can’t get over his nerve in turning up, in forcing me out of the security of my kind, of making me risk losing everything I have - again.  
  
He sits on the rocks in the soft dawn light and looks at me in a crestfallen way. What is it, my sweet?”  
  
“Don’t call me that!”  
  
“Would you prefer – partner?”  
  
“Don’t call me that either!” That he would DARE! “I’m hardly that am I? You dumped me and left me!”  
  
“Oh Red Alert,” he groans, getting up. “Not this again, please. Can’t we put it behind us?”  
  
“No!” I yell, furious at the way he just wants to dust this under the manifold and pretend it never happened. “We can’t! I obviously have to remind you again, Starscream, that I risked everything for you and the moment Megatron appeared and crooked his little finger, you went running!”  
  
“Red Alert, we’ve been through this. I had no choice…”  
  
“You had EVERY choice!” I yell. “We could have… we would have…” and this is where I come unstuck, because what would we have done? Megatron was there, Prime was there. _Everyone was there._ Game over, Red Alert. Admit defeat and go back to your faction.  
  
“We could have gone to Cybertron!” I say sulkily. But my anger’s lost its momentum.  
  
He's quiet, and I can sense a darkening of his mood. I know he’s disappointed about what happened. I also know he copped it far worse than me in the days following; that it isn’t just me who’d lucky to be alive. And he doesn’t have an Inferno.    
  
The thought saddens me - even if he did deserve it.

We brood in silence, until there's a warmth on my panels. I look to the east, and see that the sun has broken free of its cloud confines and glows low on the horizon, a splendid orange sphere amid steaks of pink. The streaks rise into the sky like stairs, getting fainter, gradually giving way to an iridescent blue. It's going to be a perfect summer's day.  
  
I sigh. So much for that! My head aches, my spark aches, _everything_ aches, with all of this. It has done since it happened.  
  
Starscream is looking at me sullenly. “Success might have been a little more in the realms of accomplishment, Red, if you hadn’t attacked me. You did – if I can jog your memory – wrestle me to the ground?”  
  
That incenses me again. “Of course I did! You sided with Megatron. There you were one minute saying you wanted to be my partner, that you _loved_ me, that we had a _future_ together…”  
  
“I didn’t say I loved you, Red. Not then…”  
  
“You implied it!” I cry. “After everything that happened, what was I supposed to think?  You _made_ love to me the whole night, Starscream! And that bucket headed idiot only has to smile at you and it all changes.”  
  
“And then,” I add for good measure, “if that isn’t enough, _you shot me with a null ray!”_  
  
He throws his hands up. “Oh Red, come on! That stabilized your neuro-circuits…”  
  
“But you didn’t _know_ that, DID YOU?”  
  
There’s silence. The sun is well clear of the horizon now, the last fragments of cloud dispersing as it hovers in the sky, Earth’s light giving, life giving saviour. I need one of those. Something to save me from this, from him, from the agony that’s tearing at my spark, that makes every recharge a living hell.  
  
He’s turned aside form me, and the sunlight catches his wing, glinting in dazzling shades of blue and red and white. His face is dark behind it, contemplative and beautiful. I melt inside. I wish I didn’t, but I can’t help it.  
  
I defy anyone to.  _You’re kidding me!_ Smokescreen said in the therapy session.  _You’ve got STARSCREAM after you? Have you any idea how many mechs on this dirt ball would give half their lazer core for that?_  
  
Smokescreen’s not a very good therapist – but its true. And of all of them, Starscream chose me.  
  
Starscream nods to himself. A crooked smile appears on his face. “Bucket-headed idiot,” he laughs softly. “I like that, Red Alert.” He turns to me. “So - what now? Are you telling me you want this to be over?’  
  
Of course I don’t. _What a stupid question!_ I just want – I want….  
  
I don’t know. Can’t say. Can’t say anything. And now tears are pricking my optics and damn it, I’m sick of crying too.  
  
I hold them back and I look up at him. “That,” I say. “What you said just now about you didn’t say you loved me then. I mean - what - would you say it now?”  
  
I don’t even know if I mean to say this. It just – comes out.  
  
There’s a long silence. The sun burns into my panels and I can see the rocks begin to shimmer as the warmth disperses the last remnants of early morning dew. Birds trill and insects buzz in the clear air. _Why did I say that?_ Now he’ll leave me. It’ll be all my fault. I despair.  
  
Starscream lets out a long sigh. He looks at me with very crimson optics. “Yes,” he says quietly.  “I would say it. But don’t ask me to do that, Red Alert. It’s not the Decepticon way.”  
  
It’s not completely what I wanted to hear, but it’s all right for now. In fact, I realize it’s what I wanted all along.  That words should be so important is ridiculous, but such is the _Autobot_ way. Having to be reassured by devious means is pathetic, but it’s _my_ way.  
  
“I’m sorry,” I mumble. “Can we work this out, Starscream?”  
  
“Yes,” he says, “I hope so, Red Alert. I hope so."  
  
I let him take me into his arms and he holds me so tight that I hear the warm thrumming of his pulsing spark. I offline my optics and melt into him, soaking up the sun now, the warmth that radiates over me from his outstretched wings. It’s a hopeless prospect, and I have no idea what I’m doing, but I like to think there's a future somehow, somewhere.  
  
Next time, however, I think we should do a better job of watching the sun rise together.


End file.
